Don’t do everything
Everything can’t be a priority.
As the saying goes, if everything is a priority, nothing is a priority.
More importantly, though: You will lose your mind if you try.
You will operate on a surface level, never quite finding the time to rest, to slow down, to dig in and create something special.
You might be at inbox zero and up to date with the DMs, but your brain is skittering along the surface, desperate to find purchase and calm.
There are always a million things flying at us. Email inbox, Insta/Twitter/LinkedIn/Slack/TikTok/text/your *other* email inbox(es)/the doorbell/your kid wanting you to admire her latest creation…it’s too much for our human brains to take in all the time and still function at a high level.
So unless you are lucky or strategic enough to have a team of assistants to help you with the mundane but energy-draining tasks of life (one of my life goals, tbh), here’s something you will experience:
Disappointing other people. Maybe even LOTS of other people.
All the people who expect or want an immediate response from you. Even if it’s just a little heart emoji on their text/tweet/DM.
And when you feel like you are letting people down, even in tiny increments, if feels BAD. Really bad. Sucker punch to the gut bad.
We’re hardwired to want connection and community. Not responding feels gross.
This was fine when we all lived in small communities and only knew like 10 people. Or when we could only communicate via handwritten letters and the weeks or months it took for them to respond felt normal.
But we now live in a world where you can connect in 24/7 and instantly respond and receive instant responses. And our brains haven’t evolved to handle it.
This obviously isn’t news. We all *know* intellectually our brains haven’t evolved to handle it. We’ve read the Buzzfeed listicles on 20 ways to use your smartphone less or the New York Times thought pieces on “how I did a social media fast” or whatever.
But until we both intellectually understand and ALSO accept and work with the bad feelings it creates to intermittently opt out so we can do the work we want to do in the world, we’re stuck.
I think that the yucky feeling — whether anxiety or guilt or whatever it may be — that comes from feeling you’re not “doing what you are supposed to do” (aka respond to everyone and be on top of everything) is the number one thing keeping our brains buzzing and never allowing time for rest or creativity.
I know it is for me. When I feel the messages mounting up and the unread text messages taunting me, that feels like a tightness in my chest and a monster ball of dark, thick, tarry, shiny anxiety in my gut.
And here’s what I know now. It’s okay. It’s okay for those feelings to be there. I don’t have to solve them.
I’ll say it again, to help myself — and you — believe it. I. Don’t. Have. To. Solve. Them.
Those yucky feelings can just be there and it’s okay.
If you’re anything like me, your brain is like, “WTF are you even talking about right now?” If you have an awful icky feeling in your gut that means something is WRONG and you HAVE to SOLVE it NOWWWWWWWWWW.
But our brains are wrong.
Instead, you can decide to keep working on that deep work, that creative project, that one thing you sincerely want to work on but you keep back-burnering over and over again because there just never seems to be enough time. And/or you can just lie down and rest. You almost certainly need it.
It will feel bad, at least at first. Items from your to do list will play through your brain in an endless montage. You’ll envision the people clamoring for your attention. People you like! But if you shut down the inboxes and the endless to do lists for even an hour, the world can temporarily drop away.
Your brain stops whizzing around and slows, softens, and pours itself into that one thing. Whatever it may be.
And the great news is that it gets easier over time. It’s a practice. And here are the steps:
Decide what you want to do (rest, write, create, whatever)
Decide how long you’ll do it for
When the time comes to do it, expect to feel bad! Feel the pull of that text message or email notification or beautiful child with a special Valentine she made just for you.
Remember you don’t have to solve for the bad feelings. Nothing is wrong.
Do the thing you wanted to do while allowing the bad feelings to be there.
Feel great about what you’ve accomplished!
Go back to being a human in the modern world.
Repeat as needed.